Food has been my lover and my enemy for 35 years. I felt like I was addicted to drugs, but food was my drug: jelly beans, garlic bread, cheddar cheese, salami, ice cream, pastries, and 100 other decadent foods consumed my thoughts after 7 pm every night.
A little over a year ago I made the choice to go vegan due to joint issues, and for my complexion that refused to clear up. It was the best and the most difficult choice of my life.
Not only did my complexion clear up, but my joint issues also vanished, including 2 injuries to my knee. My hair started to grow like crazy, my nails became strong and long for the first time in my life, and my eyelashes, which had disappeared entirely, became long and lush.
Over a year into my 95 % vegan way of life, I thought it would get easier, but it only became more difficult. After the 6 month honeymoon period, my enemy returned, and food became crushing – again. The cravings seemed to be at a cellular level, like my every cell was screaming for me to eat the foods on my “extreme moderation” list.
Luckily I was a veggie freak and had always eaten a ton of salads and raw veggies. I consumed a wide variety of colors and categories, tons of greens, so I always enjoyed great health and abundant energy. I could work circles around anyone.
Lately, I’ve felt ready to eliminate most fruits, breads, oils, and sugars – coffee included. But, I was haunted by foods like cheese rolls, calling to me to eat them and their friends, Hot Tamale, and Ben & Jerry.
Drugs had never been a problem for me . . . they were easy to keep in check, or say “no” to altogether, but food . . . ohhhhh, food!
My friends always told me that I enjoyed food more than anyone they ever knew, and I kept the extra weight off for the most part, but in my 30’s, during a difficult time in my life, I gained 60 pounds in 6 month’s. I tried everything to lose the extra weight, to no avail.
25 pounds immediately dropped off by going 95 % vegan, but I was still stuck with 40 extra pounds. I tried to keep the 5 % fatty, yummy foods to a minimum, but the foods on my no-no list were calling my name . . . “Krista, eat me! You know you want to. You enjoy me sooo much!”. I felt compelled to obey their command.
I finally understood how drug addicts felt, and why they couldn’t just stop doing the drugs that were destroying them . . . my food “choices” didn’t feel like a choice, but rather an absolute must have, must do, must eat.
I have contemplated going cold turkey, never allowing any delicious food past my lips again, but I cannot face that just yet. I am still trying to have my cake and eat it too, even though the frickin cake is killing me! Or worse, causing me to live in agony as a zit faced overweight version of myself.
I recently realized that I am an emotional eater . . . my brother passed on unexpectedly, and afterward I gained 20 pounds in 2 month’s, I finally understood how deep my issues with food went. I always believed I had a choice, and I was simply choosing to eat what I wanted. My boyfriends always told me that I ‘ate like a trucker’, and because I was thin we thought that was funny.
Not so funny anymore. I want freedom! Freedom from cheese rolls, maple doughnuts, and Jr. Mints calling to me from miles away, and freedom from the extra weight, pimpled face, and pain issues that assailed me for years, regardless of how many vitamins, top quality foods, massages, acupuncture appointments, as well as exercise such as yoga, pilates, and walking I did.
I know I can overcome my attachment to food, and my cellular addiction. I don’t yet know how, but I know I will. I have the tools to succeed: farmers market organic veggies, will power, meditation & prayer.
Every day I ask for help to only eat foods that make me stronger, healthier, and smarter, in mind and in body. When I remember to ask, my food choices go well, and my evening’s – my worst time – aren’t as torturous. I may only think of sweet-fatty foods a few times, instead of 100. I have to say “no” every time I get a craving, 3 times is easy, but 100 is an assault in which I find it a cahallange to make it through.
It’s ironic that food, which literally gives us life, is killing me, and so many people on earth. Stopping the simple hand-to-mouth motion, is like moving a mountain a mile uphill.
Other than kings, queens, and their courts, regular people throughout history have struggled to gather enough food to survive the day. Now, for the first time in history, food, is killing millions of us, or worse, turning us into the walking dead. Riddled with pain and health issues that cause unhappiness, poverty, and suffering, and all because we are addicted on a cellular level to additives and chemicals that hook us in the same biological ways that drugs do – at a cellular level. These “foods” are not food.
Our food, in America, has become chemicalized, and the food manufacture-corporations scientists – who also happen to own the largest chemical companies in the world, like Monsanto, Dow, and Bayer – have found what our cells love and will actually ask for, like a heroin addict’s cells cry out in pain for their food: heroin.
I found that just like heroin, my body needed about 3 weeks to detox from sugar, gluten, fake sweeteners, meat, dairy, corn, soy, drugs, coffee, and chemicals, or which ever toxic substance my body had become used to, and fond of. Life was hell during that time, and often I would reintroduce one of the other toxins I had already given up, going with “the lesser of evils” thinking.
I will have to free myself from my prison, and find the strength to “just say NO” to my drug – addictive food. Breaking my cellular addiction to food is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. I will miss you, my lover, but you must go………